09.11.01
This is where I was ten years ago when I heard the news. Holding newborn K in the hospital. It was hard to process the joy of new life in my arms with the loss of innocent life on the other side of the country.
Turned out to be a fast track to a whopping case post-partum depression for me. I remember sitting up at night, hearing the fighter jets patrolling overhead, and the silence that followed, because of the complete absence of commercial airliners that we usually heard. I remember how beautifully sunny and warm the days were, but feeling all dark and cold inside. I remember going through the motions of motherhood, while trying to keep my emotions under control. I wanted to completely disconnect from the horrors of the news, but with motherhood comes such a hyper-awareness of the world into which we've brought children. I thought of mothers all over the world, especially those suffering in truly war-torn countries, and I tried to count my blessings, but I felt guilty instead.
Ten years on, the world is different in some ways, and very much the same in others.
Every year on the anniversary of 9/11 I watch the documentary film 9/11. I watch it alone. It always make me cry. I haven't shown it to the children yet. Little K, for one, cannot stand any violence whatsoever, even in Disney films. She will not be ready to see it for awhile. I will probably begin with showing her this excellent program which recently aired, and is made especially for young kids. Maybe today, if I can find the courage.
